Today is the day
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When I woke up this morning I took away the curtain to look outside. Once again a fading fog was laying over the small town of Hollviken and while I knew several people was complaining over the weather, I secretly enjoyed it ..
I had a harder time getting up this morning since I had a hard time sleeping last night. Not because of the movie I saw with my dad, but because I felt alert and rested. But after a fue hours reading I was able to feel the fatigue and closed my eyes.. and within time, I feel asleep.
I had a harder time getting up this morning since I had a hard time sleeping last night. Not because of the movie I saw with my dad, but because I felt alert and rested. But after a fue hours reading I was able to feel the fatigue and closed my eyes.. and within time, I feel asleep.
Yesterday had passed quickly. Louise had a short school day and was home early. Spirited and bored she walked around in the house without having anything to do. After checking the puppys one time to many she went upstairs to read the book she secretly had been longing to read. She looked on the cover of the first 
book from the vampire diaries and tried to decide which eyes said most - Stefans, Damons. . or Elenas? She couldn't really decide. She looked at all of them in different ways, cause their characters are all so different. Seconds after she picked up the book and started reading. She feelt a constant screaming reading these book. As soon as she didn't read she feelt a bit of a panic.. She feelt like she wanted to come up with excuses to people around her to able to read. But within short time she got interrupted by a text-message from Danni. She wanted to have lunch at Spanish Garden. When she walked outside the sun was hiding behind the clouds. Louise walked through the village without noticing anyone around her and outside Spanish Garden she looked up to see a half-smiling Danielle. They went in to the restaurant and sat outside, it was at least worm enough for that. The hours went. They enjoyed their lunch in silence and chatted merely about the normal things they talk about, their life and people around them. An easy lunch, pleasing and calm. Louise laid back in the chair and looked out on the people passing the streets and for a fue seconds everything seemed to go in slowmotion. Her eyes stuck on a crow, black and big. It was close to her and when she looked at it, she feelt like it was looking at her to. It was after food and even though she usually don't like crows, she couldn't help to feed it. She threw bread at it and it flapped with it's wings. It went closer very carefully and then it took the bread and flue away. Danni had laughed in the background, but Louise hardly noticed. Within a couple of seconds more crows flue in. It started to look like in a horror film. Louise smiled to herself when Danielle said she shouldn't have fed it. And then the waitress said the same thing. Louise said she was sorry and laughed. The waitress answered in english and Louise quickly picked up a conversation in english. It showed out that the waitress was from California, LA and while Danielle rolled her eyes at Louise easy way of speaking english, Louise openly enjoyed It. When it seemed to have passed hours, Louise and Danielle said goodbye after a cosy afternoon. When Louise came home she ran up to the book and continued her reading.. And of course she got interrupted just moments after. Her dad was calling and It was time for them to go to work. Fortunatly the cleaning went fast and they we're home before an hour and a half. As Louise actually feelt mucky, she took a quick shower before dinner and then came down to the smell of tacos. She smiled. She feelt clean, easy and enjoyed the delicious food. When Louise planed her reading plans for the evening in her head, her dad distroyed them when he said they we're going to see the scary movie they had talked about for a while. It didn't actually matter to Louise, she had longed for a real scary movie for a while.. and damn, It was scary. When Louise went up to her bed she actually feelt shaken, which is unusuall when It comes to scary movies for her.. She put on music to forget the scary voices and tried to get the images out of her head. It had been a PSYCHO movie. First she was bored and wanted to change the movie, but then things started to happen and since It had been taped with a real camera, that was the whole thing that made it scary. But when she laid down under the cover she forget all about it. The calm music tones flowed in her ears. She opened her eyes and looked at the chair beside her. And there it was, the book she knew she shouldn't read right now, since she needed to sleep, but she wanted to. And she did. She picked up the book and told herself to only read one chapter.. but of course, It got more. And then she started to feel sleepy so she closed her eyes with the book in her hands .. and feel asleep.
book from the vampire diaries and tried to decide which eyes said most - Stefans, Damons. . or Elenas? She couldn't really decide. She looked at all of them in different ways, cause their characters are all so different. Seconds after she picked up the book and started reading. She feelt a constant screaming reading these book. As soon as she didn't read she feelt a bit of a panic.. She feelt like she wanted to come up with excuses to people around her to able to read. But within short time she got interrupted by a text-message from Danni. She wanted to have lunch at Spanish Garden. When she walked outside the sun was hiding behind the clouds. Louise walked through the village without noticing anyone around her and outside Spanish Garden she looked up to see a half-smiling Danielle. They went in to the restaurant and sat outside, it was at least worm enough for that. The hours went. They enjoyed their lunch in silence and chatted merely about the normal things they talk about, their life and people around them. An easy lunch, pleasing and calm. Louise laid back in the chair and looked out on the people passing the streets and for a fue seconds everything seemed to go in slowmotion. Her eyes stuck on a crow, black and big. It was close to her and when she looked at it, she feelt like it was looking at her to. It was after food and even though she usually don't like crows, she couldn't help to feed it. She threw bread at it and it flapped with it's wings. It went closer very carefully and then it took the bread and flue away. Danni had laughed in the background, but Louise hardly noticed. Within a couple of seconds more crows flue in. It started to look like in a horror film. Louise smiled to herself when Danielle said she shouldn't have fed it. And then the waitress said the same thing. Louise said she was sorry and laughed. The waitress answered in english and Louise quickly picked up a conversation in english. It showed out that the waitress was from California, LA and while Danielle rolled her eyes at Louise easy way of speaking english, Louise openly enjoyed It. When it seemed to have passed hours, Louise and Danielle said goodbye after a cosy afternoon. When Louise came home she ran up to the book and continued her reading.. And of course she got interrupted just moments after. Her dad was calling and It was time for them to go to work. Fortunatly the cleaning went fast and they we're home before an hour and a half. As Louise actually feelt mucky, she took a quick shower before dinner and then came down to the smell of tacos. She smiled. She feelt clean, easy and enjoyed the delicious food. When Louise planed her reading plans for the evening in her head, her dad distroyed them when he said they we're going to see the scary movie they had talked about for a while. It didn't actually matter to Louise, she had longed for a real scary movie for a while.. and damn, It was scary. When Louise went up to her bed she actually feelt shaken, which is unusuall when It comes to scary movies for her.. She put on music to forget the scary voices and tried to get the images out of her head. It had been a PSYCHO movie. First she was bored and wanted to change the movie, but then things started to happen and since It had been taped with a real camera, that was the whole thing that made it scary. But when she laid down under the cover she forget all about it. The calm music tones flowed in her ears. She opened her eyes and looked at the chair beside her. And there it was, the book she knew she shouldn't read right now, since she needed to sleep, but she wanted to. And she did. She picked up the book and told herself to only read one chapter.. but of course, It got more. And then she started to feel sleepy so she closed her eyes with the book in her hands .. and feel asleep.If there is anyone who isn't easily scared, check out this movie; But I have to warn you .. what you are about to see is extremely disturbing.
When I went home from school after having a quick two hours lesson I saw the clowds shatter in the sky and the sun burning worm over the people on the streets. There was no sign of the fog that had been laying over Hollviken this morning. When I sat on the bus my book got heavy in my bag and reserved and as unclear as possible I picked up the book and put it on my lap. I don't like to read in public, since I don't like people inspecting what I read and what I like.. It's a bit to personal, which might be wierd to you, my readers, since I am so open about everything else - no matter how personal it is.. But mostly .. reading becomes to... personal. Normally I go over the story of the book in my head over and over again and I can see the pictures of what I read infront of me all the time.. and that Is why I cant share it, cause people don't see what I see. Or they mostly dont.
Danielle has been complaining on my behaviour all morning.
- How are you today? She said with an easy voice but with a touch to it.
I knew she really was wondering over my behaviour.... But I answered her with an overeasy voice:
- I'm good. Just tired.
She knew it wasn't worth trying to get into my shell once I had shutten of so she turned around and walked on the bus. But It had continued all morning. She had a good day, which really made my happy. I feelt wormth inside me when I saw her eyes, they were literally sparkling with diamonds of happiness. All because she woke up next to her boyfriend. And that thought made me smile. I look foward to that feeling. When Danielle jokingly danced infront of me without me giving a response she gave me a hard look.
- Louise, come on, what's up with you? she said with a more angry tone.
I gave her a big smile.
- It's nothing, I promise sweetie. I'm just a bit off today.
- Arh, duuh, she said and made a "oh,really" face.
We smiled in chorus.
But I knew something was different today. I couldn't tell what, but it was something and at the same time as It felt scary.. It also feelt exciting. Cause I need that.. Something new. Something that is meant to happen.
Once I got home my dad and his girlfriend was on their way out, which feelt even better, cause I needed the privacy. I cuddled with our little puppys that we now have named .. Mowgli, Mallo and Molly. Two of them has opened their eyes now. It's extraordinary. I think these puppies are the only thing that is keeping me in reality in the moment.. Hah, and the explantion of that might be that these puppies are real, they have lives. And they are the sweetest thing on earth. I thought of going out on my back yard, to read in the sun, but I just didn't feel like it.. So I closed my door and stayed in my room. I read two chapters and then my phone was vibrating. I sighed heavily. I wonder what would happen If I through my phone in the ocean .. what would people do If they couldn't reach me?
I answered to a happy Danielle and listen to her and Peters chat. They suggested to go to the beach, but I strongly declined and after given them ten different excuses without them surrendering I gave up and told them I'd see them at my moms. (And It shows out.. that I went over there was the best I could do.)
I took my book with me, in case I would get some time over to read, which I by my instincts knew I wouldn't.
Peter and Danielle meet me halfway and then we walked to my mom. We started by making some coffee and bringing out some sap and then we took out some sun lungers. My mum asked us for help so the three of us gathered and we cut grass and we plucked some twigs and then we layed down - sweaty and tired - after only 45 minutes. We just enjoyed the rest of the day in the grass with the sun in our faces and music pumping around us.
Peter complained a couple of times, saying I didn't look happy and I compromised with a joke.
"So I have to be super happy while I do the dishes?" I said and gave him a sneaky smile.
- No, he said and I could feel what was coming. But I know you.
Inside I feelt weak, but with a big smile I hid it and said:
- Come on man, and then I punsched him easy on the arm.
I started dancing to a song to make him relax and by his face I could see that I got him.
When the sun had burned our cheeks and the colder wind was starting to blow I went in to clean up. When I was doing the dishes Peter came in behind me, so quiet I didn't hear him and when I just was about to turn around his face was close to mine and I breathed in loudly and jumped. He laughed at his succeded attempt to scare me while I laughed at myself.
What was with me today? I don't get scared so easy usually? And I usually hear things very clearly but now my mind were somewhere else and I had almost forgotten they were in the house.
When we walked to the bus Peter put on some music, which felt relaxing, now he didn't have to come up with a subject that involved us talking. But when we came to the bus stop I walked a bit a head of Peter and when he came to me, he looked at me in the way he always did when I had something on his mind.
- What Is It Peter? I asked tartly.
- Well, you look so happy, he said sarcastic.
I snorted.
- Well, something is it, he said when the bus stoped infront of us.
I didn't continue on our conversation on the bus, instead I looked outside and let my mind wonder into places I needed to go. And then my mind landed on someone important. Someones face came into my mind as a memory. It's wierd, It's a guy I don't know well but yet he is very close. And he means a lot for some reason, but we hardly speak. He has a girlfriend who doesn't like it.. For several reasons. .And I understand. But I still miss him. I told myself that the next time I saw him, I was going to go up to him and give him a hug and tell him I miss him.
I hadn't realised that we had stoped until Peter said:
- Ah, looks who's there!
I followed his eyes.. and right there, outside the bus, was the guy I just had thought about. The lurch in my stumic reminded me.
We went outside the bus and he saw us. I clenched my arms around my body as hard as I could and was thankfull for having my sunglasses on. Now I didn't have to look him straight in the eyes.
Peter went up to him and talked loudly and a lot while "the boy" just answered with a fue words as "aha" and a couple of smiles. And I just went blank. Everything I just thought about was gone and everything I had prepared myself for was gone. It was like he erased everything that I had in my mind while I was standing there. We didn't say speak, barely said hi.. But he looked at me, carefully with a gently smile and nodded. I tried to smile back but feelt that I only made somekind of a "smiley-face" because of my stumic twisting. After a fue minutes, their busses came and I gave Peter a hug and said goodbye. "The boy" had taken his bag and was on his way to walk on the bus when he turned around, meet my eyes and smiled goodbye. And then everything came back. I relaxed, I could breath again.. and I could think again. Now I was upset with myself for not doing what I had prepared myself for. I was so mad for not even have the currage to say hi to him! That is not normal! And because I was so ridicolous to think that I was brave enough to give him a hug? And to tell him I miss him? I walked home and feelt like I wanted to hit myself in the head several times. I had been longing to see this guy for a long time. And even though were not that close.. He is important and since we .. for several reasons. . cant talk, aren't allowed to talk really, It's horrible to see him.. But at the same time I am filled with so much joy that I don't think about it once I see him. I kind of.. haven't shown him who I am. Or I have, but not like everyone else around me seems me.. so .. he only me as... I don't really know who he knows me as, but he has seen more of my heartfelt pages.. More of my closed personality. . And then It clicked. This is what was going to happen. This is what was different today. This is what this day was for. And It was worht it. Maybe It sound ridiculous when a guy is someone who makes it different, but.. at least it was different and I finally got ride of confused feelings.
When I came home, the house was full of people. Dad's girlfriend and her kids were here and since I was filled with stumic pain and could feel tears burning inside the eyes, I knew It wasn't a good time for me to meet them so I ran up in my room and locked myself in until it was time for dinner. I relaxed and dryed out the three tears from my cheeks and went down with a smile.
It was barbequed hamburgers this time. I feelt my stumic rumble when I smelled the food.
- What have you done under your eyes? Said Filippa smilingly.
I stoped in chock.
- What? I answered in panic. What is there?
- You are so red! she said and looked at me.
- Oh, I relaxed. I have been exposed to the sun all day,thats all.
- Really? she said and looked confused.
I went inside and looked in the mirror. I saw nothing but a pale face and a bit of a sunburnt on my shoulders. My cheeks looked perfectly fine and there was nothing under my eyes. I went out again.
- What have you done there? my dad said and pointed at the same spot.
- What?! I said. There is nothing, I just checked. I have been laying in the sun all day, but thats all!
- Oh, he said and smiled. Laying in the sun is good, good Louise.
We all seemed to be hungry cause several of us didn't even sit down to eat, we just ate. When I was done I put my things in the dishwasher and went up to write. And now - two hours and thirtyfive minutes later I am finished.. And now I am going to go back to reality and I am going to take a shower, make my homework .. and read the book that right now is laying beside me.
I hope you enjoyed this post, cause I wanted to do something different.. So I wrote about myself in third person.. and I changed the language. .. And I know many people(at least, that I know) don't always like english or have a hard time understanding it.. but then there is always google - where you can translate everything just by copying!
Otherwise.. I'm just going to say,
Good night love!
1 kommentarer
mamma
21 May 2010 08:16
Wow..imponerande.vilken energi att orka skriva allt på engelska!Puss!
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